Tickle my pickle

I forgot how getting settled into a new home can be exciting but also at the same time, exhausting!  But for what it's worth, all the cleaning and organizing paid off, I love my room (even though it's a bit cramped what with my big bed and all), but most especially, I love my washroom!!!  It'll take some getting used to though... the long but sometimes short bus/train rides to school and everywhere else, and my neighbours, whom I haven't seen yet!  Like actually.  I'm starting to wonder if anyone actually lives around here.  Yeah there's cars parked in the driveways, but I've actually never seen anyone drive out or come out of their houses or anything like that.  It's like a ghost town here in my neighbourhood.  BUT... I'm giving them time to reveal themselves.
I remember when I moved to what is now my old house... most of my fellow cul-de-sac neighbours came by with casseroles and introduced themselves to us.  I couldn't believe it!  I thought it was only in movies!!!  But nope, I was experiencing the feeling of being greeted by people I have come to know (and babysit) over the last few years, firsthand, and of course, I felt cool... given that I was still in elementary school at the time, so obviously I would think that! But now it's like, where's the casseroles and the introductions!?! I'm beginning to think that my old neighbours spoiled me.  But I'll wait and see during Halloween, see if anyone's going to hand out candy in this neighbourhood.  Not that I'm actually gonna go around knocking on doors on Halloween asking for candy, I wish! Those were the good ol' days...
So even though I feel like I got most of my stuff put away in the right places and everything, I still feel like somethings missing.  My pictures!  I've been saying for over a year now that I'll get a bunch of pictures printed out and put in frames...blah blah blahhh, but I've never gotten around to it.  I mean, yeah, last summer I did print out a lot of pictures which in total cost me about $50 to $80, though I can't really remember, but I never put them up in frames, I just shoved them in an album for no one to see but me... which is great for days when I feel like reminiscing.  But framing up pictures makes such a big difference because it's right there for me to look at whenever and for everyone else to see too, instead of always having to dig up them albums buried under a bunch of heavy school binders filled with trees.
Ok, so that's one major thing I have to do, and there's a bunch more I'd like to type down right now, but seeing as how it's already 3 in the morning and my brain is slowly shutting down on me (which is good, because I wanted to sleep earlier, but I couldn't!)... so yeah, whatever floats my boat right?  And right now, that would be sleep.


Cheers

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The funny thing is... there's still a stupid part of me that misses you terribly even though you've hurt me so badly, and all I ever did was accept you for who you are, flaws and all you know.  Would I ever come running back to you if a chance ever presents itself? I used to think I would, but no.  Especially now that you've indirectly shown me your true self.  You're inconsiderate, selfish, self-centered, shallow, and more.  I was stupid for ever thinking that I'm different from all the other girls you ever went out with, that what we had would make you realize that it's what you'd want in the long run... with me, that I could somehow make you see that commitment isn't all that bad... that in the end, it's nothing to be afraid of because we'll have each other to get through all the mud and dirt that the world will throw in our faces.  But I see now that you'd rather hop from one rock to the other, than just stay on one rock and wait for it to sink and take you with them because that idea alone scares you.  
But there was a time when you used to demand to spend time with me, when you used to be more sensitive towards my feelings, when you used to show me how much you cared about me...about our relationship.  And then there was nothing.  What happened?  I used to question myself everyday; where did I go wrong? WHAT did I do wrong? But then I realized that it's not a matter of what I did or didn't do, but when you suddenly decided to go the other way.  Did I scare you?  Was our relationship just asking a bit too much out of your precious social life with your friends?  Was I not what you expected in the end?  Was I just asking a bit too much from you?  Either way, grow up.  If you can't learn to commit now... to be truly faithful... AT THIS AGE, what makes you think you can ten years from now?  
So I know I'm contradicting myself here since I believe that people can change, if and when the time is right, and maybe by some miracle, some girl can change you too.  If so, God help you.  I know the person I met in the beginning is still somewhere in you, but at the same time, you're a totally different person now and I see you under a very different light, but whichever path you decide to take in life, I just hope you're making the right decisions.  
...So why is it that this turns from me ranting about your ability to be such a jerk to me hoping...praying... that some day you'll actually turn out to be a decent guy who treats a girl properly?  What a dilemma I'm in... or I used to be in, to be exact.  Because there's not a chance in hell I would ever put myself in that same position with you ever again.  You were a mistake... a bad decision, but I'm walking away from all of this much wiser than I was from the start.  Don't get me wrong, I'll always remember you, and I do believe I did love you once, and if it weren't for you I wouldn't have learned that not having expectations in the beginning of a relationship can have its drawbacks, and that compromising should go both ways; that it's not okay if just one person is doing all the taking but not giving, and that some things shouldn't honestly be tolerated, so for that, I thank you.  You're just another chapter in my life that I'm ready to put behind me.  I think I'll always have the memories of you... of us... while I look forward to tomorrow.  Pfft, how lame.

Late night ramblings

Ahhh.. a new week of the same old same old. If it were up to me, I would make it so that my day constitutes of me randomly picking out what I have to do from a hat; to give my everyday life a little uuummph! This could only really happen if I don't have school because school IS and SHOULD BE my first priority, but lately, it hasn't been and I regret ever telling myself after the fall semester ended that spring semester is going to be different. Clearly me being behind in all 3 of my classes as of right now does NOT tell me that I'm making school my number one priority. So what have I been doing for the past couple of weeks since school started?  Nothing really. Nothing that involves school that's for sure! But as of this weekend, I have gotten started on my readings and my notes so I'm on my way to being organized again! Go me! It's keeping up this sort of organization that's going to be the hard part this semester, especially since I only have 3 class this term, it shouldn't be too difficult, right!?!?

Rude Awakening: A couple of weeks ago, I found out my parents are selling the house and we are moooving.  It hasn't really hit me till tonight when I came home to the smell of freshly painted kitchen walls, newspapers splattered here and there, and boxes lying around everywhere.  It's like...wow ok my parents are actually gonna go through with this, cuz most of the time I'm always calling my dad out on his bluffs, but this time.. he's actually for reals!!! It'll be a tedious job packing up and moving again.  I used to love moving when I was little cuz it meant new house, a new room for me, a new school, a new beginning, cuz we did move around Richmond quite a few times.  But now it's like, I've grown out of that whole sense of adventure of moving somewhere new, but don't get me wrong...it'll be nice to have a bigger bedroom with a bigger closet for all my things, but do I really want to start over again when I've settled quite nicely here in this neighbourhood and I know which buses to take to which places and all that jazz?
We're not even moving to somewhere IN Richmond, but some random place where I don't even want to live.  I mean yeah, some people would still say that Hamilton is EAST Richmond, but nope, not in my books it's not! More excuses for me to stay out late especially since buses don't run 24/7 around here, and I don't have a car of my own that I don't have to share with anyone else...  ;)

20/11/death

Ew new blog... gotta start all over again from scratch! Here goes nothing.
BIRTHDAY... 20 years old. WOW! It's been a chill day.  Last night was the bomb though, I appreciate everyone who came out and I especially loved my cake! Can't get enough of it.  I'll be bummed out once I finish it.
Going back to school in a few days.  Not really looking forward to it, but what can I do.  I'm just excited to buy some new notebooks and papers and pens! I'm still on the hunt for a good (not smudgy) pen.  The one I was able to exchange at Staples today... still kind of smudges!  I have a feeling I will end up going back to my RSVP pens...
2011... feels weird.  I've been writing 2010 at work this whole week.  But so far it's been a good start to MY year!
Death... I just found out that this girl who I've known since elementary and who lives in the neighbourhood behind me AND whom I've had some classes with in high school even though she's a year younger than I am (cuz she's a genuis) well her dad died.  I don't know if it happened today or yesterday but the point is, he's dead now.  And the thing is... he seemed so young and healthy but I guess looks can be deceiving.... Why am I even talking about death right now when it's still my birthday.  I have half an hour left before this wonderful day ends and tmr will just be another ordinary day.  Oh I know why!
Ken lent me this book that I was putting on hold at the library.  I heard about it on youtube and he just happened to have it.. Tuesdays with Morrie.  It's about death too and I started reading it today, and already... it's a bit sad! But I like it so far, and I bet you anything by the end of the novel, I will be crying.  Which is what usually happens when I read books that have sad endings.. even happy ones too! What a sentimental freak I am.

SONG OF THE NIGHT: DUTTY LOVE ..sean kingston ;)

I haven't blogged in awhile so gimme a few months to get settled into this new blog!