Tickle my pickle

I forgot how getting settled into a new home can be exciting but also at the same time, exhausting!  But for what it's worth, all the cleaning and organizing paid off, I love my room (even though it's a bit cramped what with my big bed and all), but most especially, I love my washroom!!!  It'll take some getting used to though... the long but sometimes short bus/train rides to school and everywhere else, and my neighbours, whom I haven't seen yet!  Like actually.  I'm starting to wonder if anyone actually lives around here.  Yeah there's cars parked in the driveways, but I've actually never seen anyone drive out or come out of their houses or anything like that.  It's like a ghost town here in my neighbourhood.  BUT... I'm giving them time to reveal themselves.
I remember when I moved to what is now my old house... most of my fellow cul-de-sac neighbours came by with casseroles and introduced themselves to us.  I couldn't believe it!  I thought it was only in movies!!!  But nope, I was experiencing the feeling of being greeted by people I have come to know (and babysit) over the last few years, firsthand, and of course, I felt cool... given that I was still in elementary school at the time, so obviously I would think that! But now it's like, where's the casseroles and the introductions!?! I'm beginning to think that my old neighbours spoiled me.  But I'll wait and see during Halloween, see if anyone's going to hand out candy in this neighbourhood.  Not that I'm actually gonna go around knocking on doors on Halloween asking for candy, I wish! Those were the good ol' days...
So even though I feel like I got most of my stuff put away in the right places and everything, I still feel like somethings missing.  My pictures!  I've been saying for over a year now that I'll get a bunch of pictures printed out and put in frames...blah blah blahhh, but I've never gotten around to it.  I mean, yeah, last summer I did print out a lot of pictures which in total cost me about $50 to $80, though I can't really remember, but I never put them up in frames, I just shoved them in an album for no one to see but me... which is great for days when I feel like reminiscing.  But framing up pictures makes such a big difference because it's right there for me to look at whenever and for everyone else to see too, instead of always having to dig up them albums buried under a bunch of heavy school binders filled with trees.
Ok, so that's one major thing I have to do, and there's a bunch more I'd like to type down right now, but seeing as how it's already 3 in the morning and my brain is slowly shutting down on me (which is good, because I wanted to sleep earlier, but I couldn't!)... so yeah, whatever floats my boat right?  And right now, that would be sleep.


Cheers

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The funny thing is... there's still a stupid part of me that misses you terribly even though you've hurt me so badly, and all I ever did was accept you for who you are, flaws and all you know.  Would I ever come running back to you if a chance ever presents itself? I used to think I would, but no.  Especially now that you've indirectly shown me your true self.  You're inconsiderate, selfish, self-centered, shallow, and more.  I was stupid for ever thinking that I'm different from all the other girls you ever went out with, that what we had would make you realize that it's what you'd want in the long run... with me, that I could somehow make you see that commitment isn't all that bad... that in the end, it's nothing to be afraid of because we'll have each other to get through all the mud and dirt that the world will throw in our faces.  But I see now that you'd rather hop from one rock to the other, than just stay on one rock and wait for it to sink and take you with them because that idea alone scares you.  
But there was a time when you used to demand to spend time with me, when you used to be more sensitive towards my feelings, when you used to show me how much you cared about me...about our relationship.  And then there was nothing.  What happened?  I used to question myself everyday; where did I go wrong? WHAT did I do wrong? But then I realized that it's not a matter of what I did or didn't do, but when you suddenly decided to go the other way.  Did I scare you?  Was our relationship just asking a bit too much out of your precious social life with your friends?  Was I not what you expected in the end?  Was I just asking a bit too much from you?  Either way, grow up.  If you can't learn to commit now... to be truly faithful... AT THIS AGE, what makes you think you can ten years from now?  
So I know I'm contradicting myself here since I believe that people can change, if and when the time is right, and maybe by some miracle, some girl can change you too.  If so, God help you.  I know the person I met in the beginning is still somewhere in you, but at the same time, you're a totally different person now and I see you under a very different light, but whichever path you decide to take in life, I just hope you're making the right decisions.  
...So why is it that this turns from me ranting about your ability to be such a jerk to me hoping...praying... that some day you'll actually turn out to be a decent guy who treats a girl properly?  What a dilemma I'm in... or I used to be in, to be exact.  Because there's not a chance in hell I would ever put myself in that same position with you ever again.  You were a mistake... a bad decision, but I'm walking away from all of this much wiser than I was from the start.  Don't get me wrong, I'll always remember you, and I do believe I did love you once, and if it weren't for you I wouldn't have learned that not having expectations in the beginning of a relationship can have its drawbacks, and that compromising should go both ways; that it's not okay if just one person is doing all the taking but not giving, and that some things shouldn't honestly be tolerated, so for that, I thank you.  You're just another chapter in my life that I'm ready to put behind me.  I think I'll always have the memories of you... of us... while I look forward to tomorrow.  Pfft, how lame.